Someone Like You
by Luvalot8113
Summary: My version of life after 5.12. I was going to try and follow season 5 and how it unfolded, but I was so decidedly unhappy with the episodes after 5.12 that I made this my version of how the rest of season 5 should have gone. Hope you enjoy.
1. Leaving on a jet plane

-1Chapter 1

**U.S. Airways, somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean**

Lucas Scott stared vacantly out the airplane window at an endless array of azure sky and tried to block out the litany of mistakes that ran through his head like the ticker at the bottom of the CNN screen. The overweight man beside him snored loudly in his ear, causing Lucas to shift uncomfortably, trying to put as much distance between himself and "Gus" as possible. Gus was what Lucas started calling the man next to him when the man fell asleep with half of his ham sandwich sitting on his chest. It had since fallen off and now was somewhere wedged between the man's feet, leaving a mayonnaise trail down his shirt and pant leg. Lucas blanched and scooted closer to the window. He felt trapped and confined. He needed to stretch; his tall, muscular frame was ideal for fade away shots and lay-ups, or even for coaching those things, but not for small, cramped airplane spaces. _Ugh. _He hated airplanes. And he _really _hated flying. He truly was a feet-planted-firmly-on-the-ground guy. And perfectly comfortable with that, usually. But since the catastrophe that was to have been his wedding, he had needed to get away; he needed to get far enough away that he could almost forget who he was, who he had become. Initially, his mother's boyfriend, yacht in the Northern Mediterranean had seemed to be far enough. It wasn't. He spent more than a month on that yacht with Karen, Andy and Lily, swimming and relaxing, seemingly without a care in the world. Or so it would appear to those who did not recognize the miserable gleam in his eye, or that when he smiled, or laughed, it never quite reached his eyes. Lucas Scott was a man merely going through the motions of life, and not even managing to fake it well.

Several times during his 'vacation', his mother, Karen, and Andy attempted to broach the subject of the wedding with him, get him to talk about what he must be feeling. His mother tried to put it into words, but there were none. Karen wanted so badly to ask what, or who, her son was thinking of all those nights he sat out on the deck of the large yacht until well past dawn. She heard him mutter in his sleep many a night. "Lindsey" he would mumble. And then, "Peyton". Tossing and turning, night after night. And always those same two names. She wanted to ask, but she couldn't. She knew her son, knew that he would talk when he was ready. But Lucas didn't want to talk and she didn't know how to ask. They hugged good bye at the airport and the questions she had held back for more than four weeks were on the tip of her tongue, but she held them even still. Her heart went out to him; Lucas looked so distraught and exhausted. He was a man haunted by the ghosts and shadows of what was and what will never be. It seemed as though there was no peace for him, not in the tranquility of the Mediterranean or anywhere else. Lucas had begun to think long ago that he might never find such peace again. And truth be told, he admitted wryly, he had no one to blame but himself.

And so here he sat, 15,000 feet in the air, squished into a space ideal for a toddler, alone with his thoughts and a seat companion that was now nuzzling him and drooling on his shoulder. And murmuring the name "Frannie" over and over and something about bacon that Lucas couldn't quite make out. Lucas grimaced at how pathetic his life had become in such a relatively short time. A month ago, he was engaged to a wonderful woman and had their whole life ahead of him. He had a purpose; a goal. He had finished his second book and was proud of it. He had been happy. He had been happier than he had been in a long time. The happiest he had been since Peyton said no. For the first time since that day in LA, Lucas looked forward to the future. And then Lindsey decided that he wasn't over Peyton and left him standing at the altar, in front of his family and friends. She made some connection between the car Peyton drove and the comet in his novel and decided that he still loved Peyton. That he still wanted Peyton. Never mind that he proposed to her, Lindsey. That he made plans with her and promises. Never mind that. And no matter what he said, she was determined to leave. Lindsey claimed the only reason he had been able to write his second book was because of Peyton. She said that his second book was a love story, written about Peyton. He tried to explain the metaphor he used. He tried, he really did, but for all of his eloquent written words, at the time when he needed them the most, when he desperately needed to find the words to make her stay, he had none. And she left. "_Everybody leaves, Lucas. You of all people should know that"_ she said as she closed the door behind her. Lucas couldn't move, couldn't go after her. She was right, wasn't she? People do always leave. And so he let her go.

After that, Lucas couldn't deal. He had to get out of Tree Hill and away from the people it contained. He couldn't deal with anyone, Nathan, Haley, Brooke and not even Mouth or Skills. He couldn't handle their pity and their '_poor Lucas' _looks. He especially couldn't handle dealing with Peyton. The girl that had caused him so much happiness and so much misery; the girl who had broken his heart into a hundred million pieces the day she said no and again when she said that she still loved him. The girl who hadn't wanted him, but couldn't seem to move on. The girl who confused and confounded him, and whose mere presence shattered his entire universe. And so, he had run. Away from Peyton and memories he couldn't forget; away from Lindsey and the ruins of their future and the choice he had made. He just ran. But he couldn't run anymore. It was time to come home and face the wreckage he left behind.

_"Dammit"_, Lucas muttered _"why couldn't she just stay gone?" _


	2. Lose your way

Disclaimer: I own nothing. 

Chapter 2

Haley Scott pushed her bangs off her face, and exhaled loudly. She picked up the cushion from the couch and looked beneath it, hoping against hope that some how Jamie's sneaker was lodged below. It wasn't. Growling to herself, she crawled on her hands and knees, straining to look underneath the coffee table and chair. Again nothing. _How hard can it be to find one lousy, stinking, stupid, shoe?_ She asked herself, picking up the cushions of the chair and slamming them down again. _Where is that flipping shoe? He's only four, how many different places could it be? _And why wasn't anyone helping her look for it? Didn't anyone care that Lucas was flying back into Tree Hill today and the Scott family, or at least, what was left of them, were going to the airport to pick him up. Lucas' plane was scheduled to land at noon and Skills, Mouth, Millie, Brooke and Owen were coming over a little after one to welcome Luke home. Well, that is, if she ever found the stupid shoe. She pictured the phone call now. _Hi, Lucas. Sorry we couldn't pick you up from the airport and you had to walk all the way home. The living room apparently ate Jamie's shoe and no one else cares. By the way, welcome home. _Haley chuckled to herself. _No one really appreciated how truly funny and amusing I am_, she thought. Just then, the doorbell rang. Hoisting herself up off the floor, she spotted the shoe tucked in the bookcase beside a potted plant. _How in the blue hell did his shoe end up there? _She thought as she reached for the knob and opened the door. _Jamie must have- _

The door swung wide open and Haley's mouth dropped open. For once in her life, she was speechless. Fortunately, it did not last long and she shrieked, "Lucas!" and launched herself into his arms, hugging him wildly. Nathan and Jamie heard her shriek and came running, screeching to a halt when they saw the tall blond man Haley was hugging. 

"Uncle Luke!" Jamie screeched, launching himself forward. Lucas released Haley and caught Jamie midair and hugged him to his chest. He closed his eyes for a moment and felt the overwhelming relief of being home and back with the people he loved the most. Over Jamie's head he caught Nathan's eye, who was looking at him appraisingly. He set Jamie down on the floor and crossed the room to his brother. He stuck out his fist and Nathan met it with his own. 

"Hey little brother", Lucas said.

"Hey big brother", Nathan replied. "How you been?" 

"Decent" Lucas offered. "Its good to be home. How about you?" Lucas looked meaningfully at Haley. Nathan quirked his eyebrows and smiled. 

"Its good to be home" Nathan echoed. He smiled at Haley who blushed and rolled her eyes. She turned to face Luke with her hands on her hips.

"What are you doing here already? Your plane wasn't due for an hour!" Haley retrieved the missing sneaker from beside the potted plant while she waited for Lucas' reply. 

"The plane got in early. I took a cab. Here I am." Luke said simply, spreading his hands innocently in front of him. 

"Well, okay then," Haley started. "Well, we still have to-" Once again she was cut off by a knock at the door and then it swung open immediately. 

"Tutor wife, you gotta start locking your door! You never know who could just walk in and make off with whatever you got. Not that you have all that much, and your taste is a little, well, we'll just call it different, but you do have that ridiculously huge thing your husband calls a TV. And then, of course, you do have the most gorgeous son. Oh and I guess your husband too. But really, who besides you wants him? Oh, hey Nate. How's it going? Where should I put this stuff, its really heavy, seriously, somebody better take this thing before I drop it. Again, I'm not kidding" Brooke swept in on a wave of Dior perfume and cool air. Nathan rolled his eyes and stepped forward to grab a bag out of her arms that was perilously close to smashing to the floor. He went to kick the door shut and stopped as Mouth and Skills popped in through the doorway, both loaded down with shopping bags and gift bags galore. Nathan moved forward to shut the door again when a thin, blond woman slipped soundlessly in. Her hair was a wild mass of curls that hung down loose over her shoulders, framing and accentuating her pale skin and vivid emerald eyes. As she crossed the threshold, she glanced up at Nathan and smiled sheepishly, as if she was embarrassed to be there. Nathan reached out with his one free arm and squeezed her shoulder. The woman rewarded him with another smile, this one full on and heartfelt. Nathan found himself smiling back automatically. The smile she had given him was so genuine; something he hadn't seen from her in awhile. Since she came back, anyways. 

"Hey, Peyt. Long time no see. Good to see you traveling light these days" Nathan joked, referring to her empty arms that were somehow free of the heavy bags the others had been carrying. Peyton smiled at him again and shrugged her shoulders. 

"There were none left" She replied, spreading her hands sheepishly. Nathan kicked the door shut with his foot and took the bag into the kitchen. Peyton trailed along behind him, once again marveling at the beautiful simplicity of the house. Someday I'll have a house like this, she thought to herself as she followed Nathan. With a family; a husband and two, maybe three kids. And a dog. I always wanted a dog. Why did I never get a dog? She wondered to herself as they turned the corner and stepped into the kitchen. Peyton looked up and her green eyes locked with a very familiar set of blue ones. Her breath caught in her throat and she froze, all thoughts flying out of her head like winged monkeys. Her heart constricted, stopped for the briefest moment and then started again. Slowly, she exhaled. She stepped forward and smiled, a tight, pained smile. 

"Lucas", she said, or rather, squeaked. All at once, every thought, every emotion that had ever involved Lucas Scott came flooding back. She nearly gasped as the weight of it all overwhelmed her. And then she stopped herself. _Get it together, Sawyer_, she told herself, breathing in through her nose. _He doesn't need you falling all over yourself over him or declaring your undying love, yet again. He's been through enough. He needs your support and friendship, not your hormones. Get it together._ She cleared her throat and tried again. 

"How are you?" She asked uncertainly. He shrugged, and opened his mouth to reply, but Jamie grabbed his hand and started tugging him in the direction of his room. 

"Let's go play Rock Band. Please Uncle Luke, please?" Lucas looked down and ruffled Jamie's hair playfully. "Sure J. Luke. I can beat you in Rock Band for a little while". 

"Whatever you say Uncle Luke. I've been practicing while you were gone. I'm really good now. I beat Skills and Daddy all the time. Daddy gets mad and says that I'm a little son of a-"

"Whoa, there little man" Nathan swooped in and scooped him up. "You know Daddy doesn't mean that. He just gets, um, well, agitated" Nathan grinned sheepishly. 

"If that's what you want to call it" Haley chimed in, shaking her head at Nathan and trying not to grin. She began unpacking the bags and setting out the food. Brooke and Peyton joined her, while Lucas, Nathan, Skills and Jamie trooped into the living room. Brooke sidled up to Peyton and bumped her with her hip. 

"Hey, P. Sawyer" Brooke said, pulling celery out of the bag and taking a paring knife from the drawer. "How you holding up?"

"I'm fine, Brooke. I wish everyone would stop treating me like I'm going to break every time he is in the room", Peyton sighed, exasperated.

"We're not worried about you breaking Peyton, we're just worried about you." Brooke stopped cutting up the celery and turned to meet Peyton's eyes. "And you can pretend you don't care all you want. I just wanted to let you know that I don't buy it. And no one else does either, for the record. But please, by all means. Keep kidding yourself". With that, Brooke resumed chopping and Peyton threw down her knife and wandered away. She found herself standing by the pool, staring down into the aquamarine water. There was no breeze and the water stood perfectly still, perfectly mirroring her reflection. She stared at herself, lost in thought, her mind a whirlpool of emotions and notions, none of which amounted to much of anything. And then suddenly, the reflection changed. It was not her alone, but rather her and a heartbreakingly familiar image. Lucas. 

Peyton turned, facing him. Her arm grazed his and a bolt of lightening went through her whole body. God, he was beautiful. She intimately remembered every feature, every nuance of his face. That face that she loved so much, and that had, once upon a time, held such love for her. But she hadn't seen that in his face in such a long time, but sometimes she forgot, it was second nature to her to look, and each time, it broke her heart all over again. But sometimes when she looked, just for a moment, she saw a flash of something, something she couldn't name or describe. And sometimes she fooled herself into thinking she saw _it_, even if for only the briefest moment. 

She took a tentative step back and looked up. Their eyes locked and held. For a moment that stretched into eternity, they just stood there and stared at one another. Peyton wet her lips and wished for a drink. Something strong and with the words Captain Morgan in the title. Her throat was bone dry and full of cotton. She reached out a trembling hand, as if to place it on his arm, but faltered, arm outstretched and searched her mind frantically for words to say to him.

"Luke, I just wanted to say, I'm, well, I'm so sorry, about the wedding, about what happened, you know, Linds-". She broke off, unable to finish. 

"I know, Peyton, but thank you". Lucas smiled wryly. He held up his hand. "But you don't have to-"

"I do, Lucas. I do have to. I feel horrible, all those things she said, and in front of all those people..." She trailed off, overwhelmed by what she was trying to say and knowing that it wasn't coming out right. She wanted him to know that no matter what, she was here for him. She wanted to tell him how much it hurt her to see him hurt. And she could see it, in his eyes. Lucas was wounded. And she hated that. She wanted to find the words to make it all okay, like he had done for her so many times before. But the words wouldn't come. 

"I know what happened, Peyton. I was there, remember?" Lucas ran a hand through his hair, agitated, as the memory of that day, of that humiliation swirled through him. He felt anger and rage rise within him, growling and gnarling, seeking an outlet. And he lashed out. 

"It was supposed to be the best day of my life, of our lives. This bright, happy beginning. I was _so_ happy, Peyton, I can't even tell you. there aren't words. When I saw Lindsay walking down the aisle towards me, it felt like she was walking home. I had never seen anyone look so beautiful. She was magnificent. And then she smiled at me and I knew, you know, I just felt it in my soul that she was my soul mate. The one I was meant to be with. The one who had been standing next to me when all my dreams came true" Lucas rubbed his forehead angrily.

"And then you know what happened? You left a shawl or something on your car and suddenly everything I have ever written is about you. Suddenly, our entire relationship didn't matter. It was all about _you_. And when I tried to explain, to tell her that there is nothing left between you and me, she didn't hear me. And you know what she said when she left? She said, 'people always leave, Lucas, you should know that'. How ironic is that? I don't get it! How do you get to destroy my life, not once, but twice? 

"Luke-" Peyton, gasped, backing up. The venom in his voice was unmistakable. She had never heard him like this, so angry and full of rage, and certainly never directed at her. But he continued speaking as though she hadn't. He continued, his voice getting louder and louder with each word, his anger mounting and uncontrollable. He knew he should stop, but he couldn't. This had building in him for too long. 

"You didn't want me, but you don't want me to be happy? Why couldn't you just leave us alone? Why did you have to come back here? Why couldn't you just stay gone! Or even leave again, its what you do best. Isn't it? People always leave, right Peyton? But then again, so do you. You get scared and you bail, regardless of who gets hurt. You don't give a damn about anybody but yourself!" Lucas stopped, breathing heavy, his face red and blotchy with anger. 

Peyton stood frozen, reeling from the accusations he had hurled at her. Without a word, she turned and fled, flying through the patio door and into the kitchen. Haley and Brooke looked up as she entered, but she paid them no mind, grabbing her purse and jacket and running out the door. She slammed the front door behind her and ran to her car, leaning against the door for a minute to catch her breath. Sliding behind the wheel, she brushed away the tears she hadn't realized were falling and started the engine. She gunned it and flew down the driveway backwards and out onto the street, not checking for oncoming traffic. She threw the car into gear and squealed the tires. She needed to put as much space between her and Lucas Scott as possible. 

Brooke and Haley flew outside as Peyton screeched off. They looked at each other and simultaneously groaned. "Lucas", they said, turning around and heading back into the house. They found Lucas standing by the pool, staring at his reflection. Brooke stalked up to him and got in his face.

"What the hell did you do to her now?" Brooke growled.

"Brooke, its none of your business" Lucas started, but Brooke cut him off with a withering, patented Brooke Davis death glare. 

"It is my business, because I don't want to have to put her back together, yet again. You cannot keep doing this to her, Lucas. Dammit, how much are you going to hurt her? Until there's nothing left?" Brooke glared at him, her hands on her hips, squaring off for a fight.

"What about how she hurt me?" Lucas countered. "I ASKED HER TO MARRY ME AND SHE SAID NO! No, Brooke. She said no."

"Oh for the love of God. She did not say no, she said some day! SOMEDAY! Not no, not yes, but SOMEDAY. As in, eventually, when your older. And what the hell did you expect, Lucas? You show up out of the blue and spring this on her, no romance, no nothing, just hey, I'm insecure and don't want to be alone, so here, have this ring and give up all your dreams and come home with me to a place full of painful memories. Again, what did you expect her to say? And then, on top of everything else, you bail. You walked out on her. The one person who she never thought would. You just abandoned her." Brooke took a deep breath before she continued. Haley stood frozen, watching the scene before her unfold.

"And then, she realizes her mistake, or whatever you want to call it, and comes back for you. And what do you do? Tell her she looks amazing and that some guy isn't good enough for her. You kiss her and propose to someone else. You say "I do" to someone else. And she stands by you, supporting you, even though it breaks her heart all over again on a daily basis. She let go because you wanted her to, so you could be happy, even though it kills her. It kills her, Lucas, do you know that? Do you know she cries herself to sleep at night, every night, even when you were gone? And God, I can't even tell you what she went through the first time."

"Brooke, I-" Lucas cut in helplessly. Brooke shook her head and held up her hand.

"Don't, Luke, it's too late. I don't want to hear anything from you. You can't do this to her anymore. Just stay away from her. You owe her that much. Just stay away." Brooke turned and walked back into the house to get her phone. She needed to check on Peyton. 


	3. Crash into me

_**Crash into me**_

_**Disclaimer: Again, I own nothing.**_

_**Peyton Sawyer opened her eyes and looked around wildly. She was laying sprawled on the pavement, arms and legs splayed out in all directions. Groaning, she sat up and looked at the tangled wreckage of her car. The black metal was twisted and gnarled and glass covered the blood stained pavement. Paramedics and EMTs rushed past her, bellowing directions, and police sirens screamed as they approached. Peyton blanched as the EMT spoke into his handset, "White female, approximately 22 years of age, severe head trauma with uncontrolled bleeding. Victim has been trapped in the car. Waiting on the Jaws of Life and then will transport. Prepare to standby". Peyton strained her head to look into the car. and saw an unconscious woman, curly blond hair stained crimson with blood. Peyton recoiled sharply as a sickening feeling overwhelmed her. Frantically, she asked a nearby paramedic what happened, grabbing at his coat with trembling fingers. He continued working without lifting his head and her fingers merely grazed his coat. She spoke again, louder this time. "Hey! Excuse me, can somebody tell me what the hell is going on?" Nobody looked up or gave any indication she had spoken, but instead continued What the hell is going on here? She felt a cold rush of air and a comforting presence behind her. She turned around and froze, her hand over her heart. The man, dressed in a white dress shirt and well worn jeans, smiled at her, his dimples flashing and his eyes crinkled in a heartbreakingly familiar way. Peyton gasped as she recognized the man. It wasn't possible. She breathed out his name in a single gasp. "Keith". **_

_**Peyton shook her head. None of this made sense. Keith was dead, he had been for years. She went to his funeral, had visited his grave on numerous occasions. She had grieved for him with Lucas and Karen. She shook her head again to clear it and glanced up. Keith was watching her steadily and comfort radiated from his eyes. He laid a comforting hand on her trembling shoulder. Peyton met his eyes, questions abounding. **_

_**"Keith, I don't understand. What is going on. That's my car, isn't it? And you, you're dead, I mean, how are you here? Am I dreaming I must be dreaming But, how, what-" She faltered, unable to go on. Keith looked at her steadily.**_

_**"You aren't dreaming Peyton. Not exactly". Keith said. "Think of me as more of a guide". **_

_**"A guide? A guide to what? Am I dead, Keith? Oh my God. I'm dead. That's me in the car, isn't it? That's me in the car and I am dead." Peyton started hyperventilating, breathing heavily and taking in big gulps of air. Keith gently steered her away from the wreckage. **_

_**"You aren't dead, Peyton. At least, not yet. But you were in that accident. And its bad, I won't kid you. I wouldn't. But the paramedics are doing all they can for you and we need to trust that. But that isn't why I am here. I'm more of a guide, to show you some things that you need to see, so that you can make your choice". Keith explained gently, his hand still resting on her shoulder. Peyton found that small gesture immensely comforting.**_

_**"But Keith, no offense, but why you? I know a lot of other dead people that could be a guide for me. I have no shortage of dead people, actually. Its sad, really". Peyton made a wry, ironic face. Keith did not reply, instead he held out his hand. Peyton stared at it for a moment and then placed her own trembling hand in his. **_

_**"Come on", He said. "There's something you need to see". They turned around, their backs to the tangled metal and wreckage behind them. Peyton was startled to see a white door that swung open as they approached. Tentatively, she stepped over the threshold.**_

__

_**Brooke Davis paced restlessly. It had been over an hour since Peyton left and she was not answering her cell phone. Which wasn't that unusual for Peyton, particularly when things got to be too much for her. But Brooke knew how messed up her best friend still was over Lucas and so she was worried. She glanced menacingly at Lucas, who was sitting at the kitchen table, laughing and joking with Nathan and Skills. They were teasing Mouth about having lost to Jamie in Rock Band, not once, not twice, but three times. Haley placed a fresh bowl of tortilla chips and salsa in the center of the table and then stepped back quickly as four hungry hands reached simultaneously into the bowl. She looked up and met Brooke's eye. Crossing the room to where Brooke stood glowering, she took the scowling brunette by the arm. She led Brooke into the living room and onto the couch and then took a deep breath. **_

_**"Brooke, I think you need to cut Luke some slack. This thing between him and Peyton is between him and Peyton. I think we all need to stay out of it". Haley said, trying for a tone of neutral diplomacy. Brooke scoffed and rolled her eyes.**_

_**"So that was you staying out of it when you basically called Peyton a whore when they kissed"? Brooke said innocently. "You're right. We should all stay out of it. And I think you should take your own advice. But until then, you protect your best friend and I will continue to protect mine. From yours". **_

_**"I don't want to fight with you Brooke". Haley implored. **_

_**"Then don't. I just can't believe you. How you can stand there and defend him still is beyond me. And the way you totally bailed on Peyton since she has been back. I mean, come on Haley. You were supposed to be her friend too, but ever since she came home, its all Lindsay this and Lindsay that. I mean, its one thing to be on Team Lindsay, you know I get that, but its another thing to completely ignore someone who is supposed to be your friend. And when you finally do talk to her, its to tell her what a horrible person she is and how she is ruining Lucas' life. Which is ironic, because he can do that well enough on his own!" Brooke finished, breathing hard.**_

_**"Are you Peyton's personal defender? I mean--" Haley's retort was cut off as Brooke's phone rang shrilly. Brooke held up a hand for Haley to hold on for a moment and flippped open the phone. **_

_**"Yes, this is she. Why? Yes, Peyton is my best friend. Why? What has happened? Oh my God! Where is she? What hospital? Is she okay? Oh my God! I'll be right there!" Brooke snapped her phone shut and sat dazed. Haley grabbed her arm and shook her. **_

_**"Brooke! What's happening? What's wrong with Peyton?" Brooke shook her off and bolted for the door and the kitchen. She grabbed her purse and scrounged around for her keys as Haley trailed behind her. As they reached the doorway to the kitchen, Haley bellowed **_

_**"Brooke! STOP! What is going on? What happened to Peyton!" The five guys sitting at the kitchen table haggling one another froze and turned to face Brooke at one time. Nathan surged to his feet, knocking into the table as he stood. **_

_**"Brooke, what's going on"? Brooke couldn't stop the flood of tears that began streaming down her face. She was so scared she could hardly think straight. She struggled to regain her composure.**_

_**"Peyton-I-there's been an accident. They are taking her to Tree Hill Memorial. I don't know anything else but that. I have to go." Brooke turned blindly for the door. In one fluid motion, Mouth rose from the table and snatched the keys from her hand. **_

_**"I'll come with you". He said, grabbing his coat. "I'll drive".**_

_**"We'll come too", Haley said. Brooke gave her a look. "She's our friend too, Brooke. We care about her too". Brooke rolled her eyes and followed Mouth out to the car. Haley, Nathan and Skills looked at Lucas. He cleared his throat and offered to stay with Jamie. Nathan threw him a questioning look as they gathered up their coats. Haley kissed Jamie good bye and told Lucas they would call when they knew more. Jamie looked up at Lucas fearfully as the door closed behind his parents.**_

_**"Uncle Luke, is Peyton going to die?" Lucas felt his heart skip a beat and his throat constricted. He squeezed the daylights out of the back of the kitchen chair, trying to reign in his emotions. He looked down at his nephew and tried to reassure him.**_

_**"I hope not, Jamie. Dear God, I hope not". **_

__

_**Peyton and Keith stepped through the threshold of the white door and entered a serene park with rolling green hills and endless blue skies and sunshine. Children and families laughed and played, flying kites and throwing Frisbees while puppies pranced and frolicked nearby. In the near distance, two women, both blond, sat hunched at a picnic table over a checkerboard. Keith took hold of Peyton's arm and led her towards the table. As they approached, the woman on the left looked up and Peyton's heart stopped. She froze, unable to take another step. And then all at once, she broke free, running to the woman, who stood up quickly to meet her. They met in a fierce embrace, tears streaming down both their faces as they hugged for a long time. Finally, Peyton stepped back and gazed at the woman steadily. A small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth as she whispered "Mom?" The woman smiled broadly and reached out to wipe the tears from her eyes. She motioned to the woman still seated at the table and Peyton's breath caught again as she recognized her. Peyton smiled broadly, a true genuine smile. "Ellie", she whispered. After a long moment of staring, Peyton reached down and wrapped her arms around Ellie as well. Keith wandered away as she sat down at the table with her mothers. Peyton struggled to find words to vocalize questions that she had; the emotions that were swirling around inside of her. **_

_**"Mom, I have missed you so much. Both of you. How could you leave me when I needed you the most?" Anger she hadn't realized was there suddenly bubbled to the surface and she put her hand over her mouth. "Oh, God, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean-"**_

_**"It's okay, Peyton". Anna Sawyer said gently, laying her hand over Peyton's. "And you did mean it. I cannot imagine how difficult it is has been for you, losing two mothers and having a father who was never really around. I will talk with him about that, by the way, when he gets here". Peyton looked stricken for a moment and Anna quickly added**_

_**"But that won't be any time soon, thank heavens. But I will discuss it with him eventually. But you have to know Peyton, we all loved, we all love you so much. Your father, me, Ellie. You were the best thing in our lives. Even now, nothing gives me greater joy than to watch over you. We are always with you, Peyton. I know you feel along alot of the time, but you never are. Everything you do, everything you see, we see it with you. Every success, every stumble, we are right there with you. I only wish you knew that, in your heart. I only wish you didn't feel so alone." Tears welled in Peyton's eyes to hear her innermost feelings laid out bare. I do feel alone most of the time**_**. She thought to herself. **_**The last time I didn't feel totally alone was with- **_**Peyton stopped. **_**I can't think like that anymore. It doesn't matter.**__**Besides, it hurts too much**_**. Peyton raised her head to find her Anna and Ellie gazing steadily at her. **

**"It does matter, Peyton." Ellie said, startling her. **_**Oh God**_**, thought Peyton. **_**They can tell what I'm thinking? Is there no such thing as privacy? **_**Ellie chuckled. "Not really" She said. "And besides, we're your mothers. There are no secrets from us". Peyton ducked her head, embarrassed. But also, strangely comforted. She raised her head again and met her mothers' gazes. For a moment she just basked in the view of them. She had forgotten the way her Anna's hair fell over her eyes when she was concentrating, or the way Ellie drummed her fingers when she was nervous, as though there was music in her head only she could hear. Or the way her Ellie's hair was the exact same shade as Peyton's and Anna often hummed when the silence became too much for her. Peyton tried to commit these things about them to memory, so that she would always remember, and they sat in virtual silence, understanding her need to remember these things. It was a long time before her mother, Anna, spoke again.**

**"Peyton, I have watched you since you were nine years old. You have grown into a remarkable, strong and noble woman. A woman that I would be proud to call my friend and honored to call my daughter. And I know how awful some of the things have been in your life. You have had a lot of pain and heartbreak. More than your fair share, I would say. But please, sweetheart, don't focus too much on the bad. You have had wonderful things too. Friends who love you and would do anything for you. Brooke, especially. She loves you as though you are her sister. You know that. And Lucas-"**

**"Mom!" Peyton cut her off with a shake of her head. "Don't go there". **

**"I have to Peyton, you have to hear this." Anna implored. There was a rustle, and Keith reappeared beside the table. He reached his hand out towards Peyton again. **

**"Its time to go, Peyton. You got what you needed to here". He spoke, his voice gravelly and low; soothing. Peyton glanced helplessly at her mothers.**

**"No, I'm not ready to leave. I can't, Keith, please!" Peyton cried. She looked at Keith imploringly, but he only shook his head. Peyton turned back to her mothers, but the table was empty, except for two yellow roses where they had been sitting. Peyton picked up the beautiful flowers and ran her fingers over their textured petals. She brought the buds up to her lips and smiled, feeling strangely comforted and loved. She turned towards Keith and motioned with her hand. He came and stood next to her, hand outstretched. She placed hers in his and whispered "Good bye, Mom. I love you." And then, louder, to Keith, "I'm ready". **


	4. What hurts the most

Lucas sat at his brother's kitchen table and played Go Fish with his brother and best friend's son, who incidentally, was beating the pants off of him. He stared blankly at the hand of cards in front of him.

"Uncle Lucas, do you have a 6?" Jamie asked confidently. Lucas sullenly handed him two cards. "Uncle Lucas, this isn't a 6, its a 3, and this is a 2!" Jamie handed the cards back impatiently and kept his hand outstretched, waiting for his six. Lucas shook his head and mumbled. Finally, Jamie threw his cards down on the table in exasperation and scurried away. Lucas didn't even notice his departure. His head was too wrapped up in what was happening across town, in the Tree Hill Memorial Emergency Room. It had been hours, it seemed, and still no word. He couldn't bring himself to pick up the phone to call Nathan or Haley. He was a coward, he knew, but he couldn't face it. He alternated between wanting to bundle Jamie up, put him in the car and fly over to the hospital and wanting to run as quickly as he could in the opposite direction. And not being one to handle life's tougher decisions, Lucas stayed where he was.

His mind kept screaming possibilities, flashing pictures of Peyton lying hurt, or worse. His throat tightened as an image of long ago flashed before his eyes. It was the look on her face right after she had been shot by Jimmy Edwards senior year. Blood was streaming down her leg and she pleaded with him not to leave her. And the look in her eyes when she told him she loved him and that she had lost a lot of blood. And then she kissed him. Briefly, softly, but perfectly. He closed his eyes against the image and the onslaught of feelings it perpetrated. Feelings that he had stamped down so furiously he could almost convince himself he never felt them. But those feelings were there, bubbling to the surface with a ferocity of emotion that likes of which he hadn't felt in three years. And Lucas could try to kid everyone else, but he could never really kid himself and so he knew, somewhere in the deepest recesses of his heart, that he was now and had always been in love with Peyton Sawyer. He knew that all along, really. He never bothered to deny it. Lucas was never a very good liar, so when people, everyone around him it seemed in recent weeks declared that he still loved Peyton, he never bothered to say they were wrong. He just kept repeating what had long become his mantra. "I love Lindsay". He couldn't deny his love for Peyton, besides, no one would have believed him. No one ever believed him when he said that he didn't love Peyton. Brooke, Skillz, Haley and even Nathan. They knew it. Hell, he knew it. He just couldn't admit it. Not out loud, anyways. And not to anyone but himself.

And the truth was that he did love Lindsay. She was less complicated than Peyton. She wasn't covered head to toe in issues. She didn't run away or ask him to wait. She loved him wholly and uncomplicatedly. But she didn't challenge him or inspire him the way Peyton did. His Peyton. No one had ever awakened the innermost desires of himself the way she had. The girl touched him the whole way down to his very core. She was his soulmate, his other half. She was also the girl who had broken his heart into so many pieces that there hasn't been a word invented yet. The girl who held the most power over him and his happiness. The girl who had broken him, spirit and soul when she said no to his proposal. He had been a shell of a man after Peyton's refusal. Unable to work or write. He had poured himself into bottle after bottle and alienated everyone he loved with his bitterness and unhappiness. The wide yawning abyss had called to him and he had nearly succumbed. Never in his life had he felt so bone tired and hopeless. He had nearly lost himself then, and had it not been for Nathan and Haley, who picked him up repeatedly in the months that followed, he may have not made it back from the edge. But when he did, he vowed to himself that he would never allow himself to be that vulnerable again. He would not allow himself to feel things so deeply. And he would never, never allow himself to be with Peyton again. He sighed to himself. He didn't want Peyton hurt, he still cared about her, obviously. But it didn't change anything. He held firm to his resolutions and his mantra, ignoring the little voice inside his head that chanted repeatedly that Peyton was the one he needed. The voice was also chanting that he was an idiot.

A knock on the back door startled Lucas from his introspection. He hauled himself wearily to his feet and swung open the door. His mother, Karen Roe, 39 years old and glowing, her skin darkened by the hot Mediterranean sun stood before him. Her eyes were soft and sympathetic as she gathered him in an embrace. She rubbed his back as she had when he was a little boy. AS she pulled away, she whispered, " I am so sorry, Lucas." I am so sorry".

Lucas looked up in alarm. "Sorry for what, Mom, what have you heard?" Karen shook her head woefully. "I haven't heard anything yet, just what Haley filled me in on the phone, but it doesn't look good. there was a lot of internal damage and bleeding. Apparently they are having trouble stabilizing her. Her heart has stopped twice and the doctor says it is getting harder to restart each time". She rubbed her hands over his shoulders and pushed him into a chair. She took a deep breath before she continued. "But what I want to know, Lucas, is why you are here and not at the hospital".

Lucas stammered, "Someone needed to stay with Jamie, and-". Karen cut him off before he could finish.

"Well, I'm here now, and I can watch the Jamester, so you just run along". Lucas remained in his seat, his head bowed and eyes averted. He mumbled something about not wanting to go and Karen slapped the table. Lucas' head snapped up and he looked at his mother in annoyance. She crossed her arms and glared at him.

"Lucas, who the hell do you think you are?" Lucas' mouth dropped open and he stared at her, dumbfounded. His mother had never spoken to him with that tone or with such anger.

"Mom, I-" He began.

"No, you listen to me. This has gone on for three years now. For three years, I have seen you hide. I have seen you hide your heart and settle for good enough instead of extraordinary. You are so full of fear and insecurity. Why is it that you don't think you are enough? Why is it that you don't believe you are worthy of love? Why do you let your insecurities dictate your entire life? You shut down three years ago after you proposed to Peyton. Lucas, she didn't say no. Do you hear me? She didn't reject you! She just wanted you both to achieve your dreams. And somehow, out of that , you got a no and you just quit on the whole world. Peyton believed in you, Lucas. She knew your book would be published. You know how I know that? Because she told me so, over and over again. And even after you walked away from her, she came back for you, professing her love every step of the way. And you turned your back on her. And do not, " Karen made a slashing motion with her hand to silence him, as he had opened his mouth to speak. "Do not feed me your line about loving Lindsey. I know you love her, Lucas, but your not in love with her. She doesn't make your heart race and your blood sing the way Peyton does. She isn't your muse. Life isn't infinite, Lucas. Look at all the time I wasted with Keith, denying my feelings and being scared that it would turn out like it did with Dan. Do you know that I would trade everything I have now for one more day with him, Lucas, just one more day. And you have that chance and you are throwing it away. You have thrown it away. I don't know if Peyton is going to pull out of this, but if you don't pull your head out of your butt soon, you are going to regret it. And regret is a hell of a thing to live with, Lucas. I promise you. And I don't want that for you".

Karen reached across the table and took his hand. Lucas stared at their hands, speechless. She continued, "I want you to be the Lucas who loved with his whole heart, regardless of whether he got it back or not. I want you to be the Lucas who believed in possibilities of love and in its power. I want you to believe and have faith again, Lucas. I want you to learn from my mistakes and grab onto love when you find it and take the good with the bad. Don't let your Keith get away the way I let mine. _Please_."

She released his hand and stood up. She walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs to where Jamie was playing. Lucas sat at the table, staring at the pattern in the wood, when suddenly a wave of clarity washed over him. The overwhelming fear he had been living with evaporated. And all that was left, in that space and time, was Peyton. He had to see her, he had to tell her, even if she couldn't hear him just yet. He had to be there for her, by her side, where he belonged. Lucas jumped up from the table, grabbed his coat and keys and he dashed out the door. As he did he smiled slightly to himself. For the first time in more than three years, his life suddenly had purpose and meaning again.


End file.
